Stop Thinking

I need to stop thinking about you,
Because you're creeping into my thoughts at night.
I need to stop thinking about you
And your bad-boy attitude and gentle eyes.
I need to block you out,
Or else I won't be able to.
I need to stop thinking about your strong hands
And handsome face.
I can't afford to have feelings for you,
So I need to stop thinking.

What Happened to Us?

Looking back on days long gone,
I wonder,
What happened to us?
Where did those days go?
I wish I could go back
And hear your laugh again,
That deep, belly laugh of yours,
Continuing until we're both breathless.
What happened to that laugh,
I wonder,
As I mourn the days of our past years.
Oh, we have changed.
Why are we all so sad?
What happened to us that causes us
To worry about school and work and the future
More than we worry about one another
More than we worry about keeping our friendship alive?
We're so full of anxiety and fear
That we keep forgetting to say hello
And remind ourselves
Of each other's existence.
What happened to us?
Why don't we talk so much anymore
About the sky, the stars, the universe?
Why do we only speak of stress and pain?
Wow, we have both changed.
So who are we now?
I'm still trying to understand
What really happened to us.

Then I Remember You're Gone

I opened my mouth
To tell you to put your clothes away,
But then I remembered you're gone.
I keep expecting you to walk in the door,
And tell us to make room on the couch,
But then I remember you're gone.
I keep waiting for you to come in my room
And stand over my bed until I hug you goodnight,
But then I remember you're gone.
I keep imagining the scent of your cologne
When you spray it in the morning,
But then I remember you're gone.
I keep hearing the sound of your voice
Asking me to give you a massage,
But then I remember you're gone.
I keep expecting you to pull up,
Some girl in the front seat next to you,
But then I remember you're gone.
I keep seeing something funny
That I want to tell you about,
But then I remember you're gone.
I keep listening for your enthusiastic singing
Whenever I listen to the radio,
And I'm forced to remember:
You're gone.

I know that eventually you'll come back,
But two years is a long time for me.
When you come home,
I'll be an adult, graduated,
And it hurts to remember you're gone.

Your "Love"

It's disgusting,
That thing you have,
That thing you call "love."
Your "love" is just infatuation
(I hope),
And it will pass with time
(I hope),
Leaving you standing alone,
Wondering why you ignored me.
You don't listen to me,
You don't even see me,
Because you're so caught up in your "love."
Don't tell me you love me--
I don't want your "love" any more.
Don't tell me you love me
And then turn around and say the same to him.
Don't tell me you love me
When you always choose everyone else
Over me.
Don't tell me you love me--
I don't want any of your "love."
If you really loved me,
You'd either let me go
Or hold me close,
But I am instead caught in between,
Pushed away by your "love,"
But you refuse to let me go.
So the ties get tighter and tighter,
Pulling on my throat as you try
To keep me close
While your "love" forces me away.
Your "love" is disgusting,
The way it changes both of you,
And it disgusts me that I am still jealous
Of your "love."

I Hate... I Love...

I hate my weight,
But I love my curves.
I hate my smile,
But I love my teeth.
I hate my broad shoulders,
But I love the strength they give me.
I hate my chin and jaw,
But I love my lips and cheeks.
I hate the dark spots on my skin,
But I love my sun-brushed tan.
I hate my love handles,
But I love my cute butt.
I hate how thick my legs are,
But I love their raw power.
I hate my delicate, asthmatic lungs,
But I love my sometimes-wheezy laugh.
I hate being short,
But I love being adorable because of it.
I hate my feet,
But I love how they do their job.
I hate wearing makeup,
But I love how it makes me feel.
I hate my body hair,
But I love the relief when it's gone.
I hate how much fat I have,
But I love being huggable.
I hate my depression,
But I love how it allows me to understand and help others.

You don't have to love everything about yourself
In order to love yourself.
You are allowed to dislike parts of your appearance
Or parts of your personality,
But for every part you hate,
Find something else to love,
And then you can begin to appreciate
How beautiful you really are.

The Writer

The writer was always loneliest
When it was dark outside.
She sat in the night,
Alone,
Wreathed in silence and starlight.
The writer always felt different;
She always felt so alone,
So she took a pen to paper
And began to write a poem.
Soon, one became hundreds,
Line after line after line,
Trapping her sickness, her sorrow,
In pages of rhythm and rhyme.
She sealed it away,
Refusing to share,
Keeping Emotion on a leash--
A leash made of letters and words,
A leash she kept taut every day.
She shared her words with the world,
But few read them.
She shared her heart with the world,
But few noticed.
The writer held on to those words,
A lifeline to who she was,
But when she goes back and reads them,
She wonders if they were enough.
She's a lonely old soul, that writer,
Even though her body is young.
She seeks solitude in words,
But the writer always knew:
With all the many poems she wrote,
At least one was bound to reach you.

Just Freaking Tell Me

I know you don't want me anymore.
So just up and freaking tell me.
Say it to my face--or are you afraid?
Afraid of what I'll do and say?
I know how much of what comes out of your mouth is bullcrap,
But everyone soaks up your lies.
I don't know if I can take this very long,
Because I have been taking your crap way too long now.
I'd raise my voice,
But I am at the end of my strength,
And I cannot fight all your "friends" alone.
I know you blame me,
But I swear I'm innocent.
Events happened out of my control,
So just freaking tell me about your problem.
Say it to my face.
I can't stand you sneaking around.
So here I am, responding in kind,
Because no matter what I do
I'll be seen as the bad guy....
So just freaking tell me.

Song

I heard a song on the radio today,
A song that reminded me of you.
We had sung that song together.
You had shown that song to me.
I bit my lip so I wouldn't break down,
Because, honestly, I still miss you.

Unfinished Tears

The tears stopped,
Though the crying didn't finish.
It never did, never does, never will.
The tears don't carry away all the pain,
The guilt, and the sorrow.
Crying always leaves something to be desired,
Because it never, ever, finishes.
Every day, behind the smile,
Those trapped tears still fall.
The tears never end inside,
Filling endless rivers,
Yet only shedding a few drops.
The release doesn't come.
Never has, never does, never will.
Always, the pain, the grief,
The guilt, the sorrow,
Stay inside, tearing me apart.
The tears remain unfinished.
The scars cannot heal,
For they are blocked
By unfinished tears.

Dead Inside

I am crying for many reasons,
But mostly because I am dead inside.
I am crying because everyone dies,
And because I do not mourn.
I'm crying because I lost my heart,
And now I'm dead inside.
I apologize to the human race;
I feel no sorrow when you die.
I appear to be a living being,
But I'm just a shell, a shell of lies,
A shell that's dead inside.
I watch those around me grieve
And feel nothing but shame.
I'm crying because I feel no pain,
But I watch them writhe in agony.
I'm crying because I'm so detached,
Because I'm dead inside.

The Unicorn and the Dragon

The Unicorn, with His high steps,
Gracefully prances forth
To meet the Dragon in Her field.
Unlike everyone else,
He does not fear Her.
He is not afraid of Her teeth,
He is not afraid of Her claws,
He is not afraid of Her fire.
She looks up to greet Him,
Deep sorrow in Her eyes.
The Unicorn bows His horn to the ground;
The Dragon's eyes watch Him,
And She nods a hello.
Oh, She has missed Him.
With one swift step, the Unicorn
Sheds His ivory flanks
And bows to Her again,
And this time, the Unicorn is a Man.
The Dragon sheds Her smooth green scales,
Trading them for a dress.
The Unicorn smiles and meets Her gaze,
And then He takes Her hand.
The Dragon laughs, tears in Her eyes,
As they begin their dance.
All through the eve, He leads Her
In a dance of happiness.
The Unicorn and the Dragon,
With a burning love so strong,
Dance through the night.
They are not lovers;
They are best friends.
Two sad, broken hearts,
Two lonely, tender souls,
They learned to dance together,
They taught each other to love.
The Dragon trembles;
The Unicorn holds Her close.
He knows Her well enough to know
That, without Her scales,
She is exposed and afraid.
He promises to protect Her,
But She is not convinced.
Breaking free, She spreads Her wings,
And flies into the night.
The Unicorn is not surprised;
He, too, takes His original form.
He gallops after Her,
A streak of white,
Following the trail of tears.
The Dragon flies far out of reach
And rests on a steep cliff.
Her friend comes up the other side
And takes Her hand again.
He leads her in a different dance,
A dance of friendship true;
The Dragon and the Unicorn
Both whisper, "I love you."

Stabbed

Do I seem upset?
Do I really?
Maybe the fact that you
Just stabbed me
In the heart
With a butter knife
Has something to do with that.
Just maybe.

Wash Away

If I could simply wash away these tears,
I think I'd live again,
But I cannot send them down the drain
As easily as the soap from my hands.
If I could wash away this pain,
I would, in a heartbeat,
But it clings to me,
It tears at me,
And I'm falling apart.
If I could wash away this sadness,
I think I'd feel again,
But inside my heart is emptiness,
For I have drained it out.
If I could wash it all away,
I think I'd want to go on with life.

Touch of America

She will reach out and touch you,
Without you realizing it at all.
Her hand will brush you in the wind,
Her lips in every rain drop,
Her loving arms towering mountains,
And Her tears flow in rivers,
Tears for the fallen,
The ones who fell to protect Her.
She whispers to us in the trees,
Touches us with gentle rain,
Her breath the sigh of a breeze,
Her spirit in every child,
Every firework blast,
And She touches those who love Her.
If you slow down, look around,
You can feel the touch of America.

She Needs

You see her lying there, broken, bleeding.
You wonder what could help her, save her.
And you realize what she needs so desperately.

She needs someone to hold her,
Someone to tell her it's all right.
She needs someone to love her,
Someone to keep her safe each night.
She needs someone to teach her,
Someone to show her a reason to live.
She needs someone to know her,
Someone to see through her fibs.
She needs someone to earn her trust,
Someone she can talk to.
She needs someone to want her,
Someone who'll love her true.

She needs a safe place to rest her head,
Somewhere to finally breathe.
'Else, come morning, she may be dead,
Gone from the world she wanted to leave.
She needs a voice to soothe her to sleep,
A voice singing lullabies.
She needs to find a way to keep
Free of the dark and the lies.
She needs someone to make her warm,
Someone to love her forever.
But she wishes that she hadn't been born,
And it's a shame, for she's clever.

You've seen her lying there, broken, bleeding.
You wondered what could help her, save her.
And you realized what she needed so desperately.
But were you too late?

Unsent Letter No. 3

It's been so long since I heard from you;
Sometimes, I wonder if you miss me at all.
Every time you come crawling back,
I forgive you for disappearing,
But do you honestly feel remorse?
Is there any way for me to even know?
I wish I could just kick you out of my life,
Trust me, I really do,
But I don't think you understand what I mean
When I tell you that I still love you.
Sure, I may not use those exact words,
But are you so dense you cannot see?
No matter, I suppose,
Because only one of us gets hurt in the end,
And that one of us is me.
I'm not going to ask you to come back,
I'm not going to beg you to stay.
But know this: in the end,
I can always take the pain
Of watching you walk away.
Over, and over, and over again,
I'll fall down to my knees;
I'll yield to waves of coming tears,
But you won't see it;
You'll just see me, standing there,
Waving my goodbyes.

Until we meet again;
Best regards.

Hypocritical Society

Welcome to society:
Please obey the rules.

Gay pride is considered great,
But being proud to be straight is a sin.
It's okay to slander "white" people,
But offend someone "black" and prepare to suffer.
You can tell a reptile owner to shoot their pet,
But don't ever ask a dog owner to please keep their pet off you.
You're allowed to moan and complain,
But only if everyone agrees,
And nobody does anything about it.
You need to dress decently,
But only on Sundays and at work.
All those other times, show a lot of skin
But only if you're a girl.
Your identity is what makes you unique,
So show it off all you like,
But only if you fit in.
If not, you're weird and should leave.
If someone offends you, be respectful and kind,
But they have no obligation to do the same.
If someone needs you, be there,
But don't expect them to come running when you're the one broken.
You can publicly strip
But not publicly pray,
So maybe we should burn the Constitution.
"M" rated games are okay for kids,
But "R" rated movies are not,
Even though the "M" and the "R"
Mean the exact same thing.
Women are allowed to feel oppressed by men,
But if they feel oppressed by feminists, that's their own fault,
Say the feminists who objectify everyone.
It's okay to be rude to everyone
Who you think is lesser than you,
But the pyramid is unclear,
And no one's really sure
How we move up or down.

Welcome to society:
Please obey the rules,
'Else you'll be shamed, punished, cast out, and silenced,
And you'll wish we'd killed you sooner.

Confusion

I am confused, torn,
Constantly attacked by the winds of change.
My world likes to twist around,
See if it can bend my beliefs.
I don't know any more.
I don't know what to say or do,
I don't know where to go,
I don't know who to trust.
Who am I, anyway?
What is this world becoming?
Why am I even here?
This place is unfamiliar,
But I used to call it home.
I'm so lost now,
And I'm utterly alone.
I'm confused and broken,
And I think I'm bleeding out.
I can't figure out why I don't feel any pain.
Where are you, I wonder,
Because you said you'd be here,
But I don't think you're coming,
And I'm not sure if you care.
I tried writing things down
To get my story right,
But it's just a mess of words,
Unreadable, confusing.
So who's that person hiding there,
The one who's just like me?
Can you see her, with her back in the corner?
She's crying, sobbing silently.
Her body shakes; she's broken inside.
I'm seeing myself, you understand,
But I just can't comprehend.
Who did I used to be, and when did I change?
I'm lost in confusion
And drowning in fear.

These Long Nights

It's in these long nights
Where the world makes sense.
Without the presence of the lights,
The mind is not so dense.
The best time to think
Is after one lies down.
Into thoughts I sink,
But never shall I drown.
These long nights are the times
That the words fall out in droves.
They dance and form rhymes
To create poetry, not prose.
But despite the beauty all around,
In these long nights, a feeling stirs,
A feeling intense, it drags me down;
In these long nights, tears blur.

In these long nights of silence,
Form long nights of loneliness.

Unsent Letter No. 2

I fell in love with you
In the dark of the night.
It crept up on me; I didn't see it coming.
When first I heard you, saw you,
I should have known what was to come.
It followed me.
It grew on me.
And I fell in love with you.
I didn't even suspect a thing,
But as soon as I knew what happened,
I realized what was to come.
You needed it back,
The piece that followed me home,
And so I let you tear it out of me,
Out of my heart.
I watched the hole it left bleed,
And saw a tiny fragment still inside.
The piece of it remained,
And I am still in love.
So I built a wall around my heart,
A bubble, if you will.
I used it to seal myself away,
And I cut off that connection to you.
But because I fell in love with you,
When I think of you, it hurts,
Because that sharp-edged piece rests in my heart,
And it's aching to grow again.
Because in the dark of the night,
A long time ago,
I fell in love with you.

I'm still in love with you;
Best regards.

The Things I Can't Do (Another World)

In another world, I am someone else.
In a world of ones, zeros, and elaborate lines of code
My fears do not haunt me.
I can do the things I can't do,
I can say the things I'd never say.
In another world, I am strong.
I stand up to dragons and demons,
Instead of being afraid to order food.
I don't get antsy about being alone,
Because the friendly A.I. is there.
I can do things I can't do.
In another world, I can breathe fire,
Swing swords with lightning speed,
Run forever, climb mountains, defeat monsters, use any weapon I find,
But here, those are things I can't do.
In another world, I can fire a rifle
With pinpoint, deadly accuracy.
Not here.
In that world of ones and zeros,
And elaborate lines of code,
I can be whoever I want to be,
Do whatever I want to do.
I can use magic, guns, blades,
Things I can't do here.
In another world, I am free.

They Tell Me

They tell me I should grow up
And join society.
They tell me I should contribute
To a dying economy.
They tell me how to think and act
In a certain way.
But I would rather stay in bed
And do nothing all day.

They tell me I'm a citizen
Who needs to play her role.
But life is just a one-act play;
Play by the rules, it's dull.
They tell me what to do,
They tell me what to say,
But I am going to sit in bed
And do nothing all the day.

Go enjoy those useless rules,
Make sure to write them down.
Unless you learn to swim away,
You shall surely drown.

They tell me to love society,
They tell me what to say.
They tell me "Fix the economy,"
But in my bed, I'll stay.

Fire Inside

There is a fire inside me,
And there's one inside you.
They both burn oh so bright.
I'd explain them, if I knew,
But they're impossible to truly see.

They have brilliant flames,
Sparks that thirst for more,
Flames that give off so much light.
We're standing on the shore
Of a sea of fire with many names.

The fire inside is so fierce
It consumes everything in its path.
It's at its hottest in the night.
The fire inside carries no wrath,
But both our bodies it shall pierce.

Who You Were

I loved who you were,
But now you're different;
You changed so much,
I don't think I would have recognized you.
It's like a new person is there,
Talking to me with your voice,
Looking at me with your eyes,
And I'm not sure how I feel about this.
I loved who you were.
You're completely different,
And I'm shocked,
Because you were great.
I wonder about who you were;
Was it all an act?
Just a lie, a story?
Or is the person staring back at me the fake one?
I don't know, but what if they're both real?
The person you used to be,
Where are they now?
Are they inside or far away or gone?
I loved who you were.

What I Feel

If you could feel what I feel,
I suppose you'd understand
What it's like to have fire and ice
Inside your heart, inside your head.
If you could feel what I feel,
You'd finally grasp the idea
That opposites can coexist,
Though it's not exactly peaceful.
If you could feel what I feel,
You could also know
Why I say the things I say
And do the things I do.
If you could feel what I feel,
You'd feel a broken heart,
But a strong, enduring one,
Though you think it impossible.
If you could feel what I feel,
You'd understand the pain
Of fighting a battle eternally,
A battle you cannot win.
If you could feel what I feel,
And stand as long as I have,
I'd hold you close as you broke,
And apologize a thousand times.
If you could feel what I feel
I'd never forgive myself,
Because no human being
Should need to feel as I do.

Time Flies

It feels like only yesterday
That you and I were strangers.
It seems as if the world has changed
In the space of a few hours.
It feels like all the time slipped by
In the time it takes to blink.
It seems as if the universe turned
Before we could look and see.
It feels like years turned to days,
And the clock is on caffeine.
It seems as if the pendulum
Has sped up its even swing.
It feels like all our memories
Are snapshots of yesterday.
It seems as if twenty-fourteen
Was just the month of May.

A Letter from a Snake

Dear Human Child,
You look at me with such wonder in your eyes.
The grown ones have not yet taught you to fear me,
And that, I think, is a good thing.
You should not be afraid;
I am no warrior.
I would rather hide from you than fight you.
Humans are the scary ones.
Please, little person, do not lose that wonder in your eyes.
Respect me, respect my brothers,
But, please, don't be afraid.
We do not mean to frighten so many.
I do not want the big people to teach you fear.
I want them to teach you to love, respect, and cherish us.
We do so much more for you that you know.
Always keep that wonder, Child.
Your Friend,
Snake.

Nightmares

I've been having nightmares again,
Little terrors, in my dreams.
They stare at me with eyes that burn
And feast on all my screams.
They're ugly, fearsome, nasty things,
And they put up quite the fight.
I just can't seem to banish them
And send them back into the night.
Their little claws tear at my flesh,
But leave no physical mark.
Their teeth gnash and chew and bite,
Leaving my spirit scarred.
Hello nightmares. I thought you left,
Chased off long ago.
I've always wanted to defeat you,
But how? I do not know.
I've been having nightmares again.

You

I'm jealous of you.
The way they look at you,
The way they idolize you.
Sometimes, I wish I were you.
But then I remember what's wrong with you.
And I question why I care about you.
They don't need me; they have you.
What a wonder, to be you.
The world seems to revolve around you.
Yet here I am, judging you.
Your standards, I think, are faker than you.
Pretending comes naturally to you.
Attention is a necessity for you.
I'm watching you,
Protecting you,
Even though I don't really need you.
But, never fear, I don't hate you.
I'm just a little jealous of you.

Unsent Letter No. 1

It's been awhile,
Old friend.
It's been quite some time
Since you tore me apart.
I know it was partially my fault,
But I didn't deserve it.
We both know that.

If I could bring myself to hate you
For what you did,
I would,
But, honestly, I have so many memories
Of myself with you,
And I'd like those to stay untainted.

It's been so long;
You've changed so much.
What happened to that spirit of yours?
I thought it was impossible to tame you,
But it seems I was wrong.
I didn't know they could break you.

I can't hate you,
But I don't think I want you back, either.
The soul I loved is gone now,
And you're just an empty husk.
I'm not asking for forgiveness;
I'm not confessing anything.
I'm simply telling you
That I can't hate you.

I don't really know how I feel.
How could I love you anymore?
I've recovered from the pain,
The agony you caused.
But I'd like to keep those memories,
If you don't mind,
Because I know you were great once.

Best regards.

Wordsmith

They call me wordsmith;
I'm not sure what that means.
I do not create anything of use;
I create nonsensical or depressing phrases
That hold no meaning for anyone but myself.

They call me poet;
I'm not sure how to respond.
I write rhymes and verses:
Little webs to hold my feelings, trapped,
But somehow, others feel what I locked away.

They call me artist,
But I disagree.
I simply vomited words out,
And tried vainly to sort through them.
That's not what I'd call art.

They call me wordsmith;
I don't know what to say.
Poet, artist--what does that mean?
It doesn't matter really.
I can be a wordsmith.

Dragon Soul

Look at her, that girl,
So broken, so tired.
Can you see that she,
That one, on her knees,
Holds inside her fragile form
The soul of a mighty dragon?
She's falling to pieces before our eyes,
But her dragon soul refuses to give up the fight,
So she stands, alone, unchallenged,
Against Heaven, Earth, and Hell,
But the girl with the soul of a dragon
Shall not fall, shall not bow,
Not to you, nor anyone.
Despite everything she's seen,
There's fire in her eyes, on her tongue, in her soul;
There's fire in her dragon soul.
Her scales protect her from the harshness of the world;
Her claws and teeth fight tirelessly;
Her wings carry her high above the rest;
Her eyes see the truth and read our stories;
Her fire burns bright with passion.
She has a dragon soul.
She's broken, shattered, falling apart,
But she'll always have
A dragon soul.

Heart

Yes, that's a heart,
On the rough, hard ground.
It looks like that because it's broken,
Shattered into a billion pieces.
Hearts are fragile, tender things,
Even the guarded, cold ones.
And the strongest can only take so much.
Yes, that's my heart,
In a pool of my own blood.
It looks like that because I ripped it out,
A swift jerk to end the pain.
Though it's cold and strong,
It shattered into a billion pieces,
Pieces that cut too deep,
Pieces too hard to put together.
It's not worth it.
Yes, that's a heart,
Still beating, still intact,
But barely.
It's tired and sore and bleeding,
But yes, it's a heart.
A cold one that shattered.
Into a billion pieces.

If I Said Everything

There are so many things I want to say to you
That I fight to keep them down.
Everything I want to say is true;
It tries to get out when you're around.

If I said everything, all of it,
You'd run off in tears,
You'd throw an angry fit,
But you'd also be in fear.

I love and I hate you,
And I have too much to say.
You don't even have a clue
How far you'd run away.

If I said everything to your face,
I'm sure you may break mine.
So I tuck it into a quiet space,
And store it between the lines.

There are too many things to be said
And not enough words to say them.
Tonight, out of me, they bled,
Into the form of a poem.

I Hope You Care

"I don't care what anyone thinks,"
You say, so filled with pride.
Why? Why are you proud?
I hope you care
What some of us think
Of you.
I hope you care what your parents,
Your friends, your family,
Your God, your neighbors,
And your teachers think
Of you.
I hope you care if you're kind,
If you're polite, if you're honest.
I hope you care if those who matter
Like you.
I hope you care if you're a good person or not.
I hope you care, because if you don't,
Then you are one of the rude,
The selfish, the proud, the ignorant,
And you don't even realize it.
I hope you care at least an ounce,
But no more than a pound,
Because if you care too much,
It can start to weigh you down.
I hope you care enough to know
If you're indecent or not.
I hope you care enough what others think
That you can see how you make them feel.
I hope you care what I think of you,
If only because I love you.

The Dam

An ocean of tears,
Uncried, they are held back
By the dam.
Waves of emotion,
Terrible, unchecked,
By nothing
But the dam.
Fearsome anger, wrath,
And love, tender mercy,
All equally held back,
Contained,
By the dam.
Sadness, deep sorrow,
And agonizing pain,
Kept sealed away,
By the dam.
Nothing displayed;
All feelings hidden,
Behind the dam.

Stupid Little Things

How broken must you be
When even stupid little things
Bring you to the point of tears?
When dumb, normal, everyday problems
Become overwhelming and painful,
How broken are you?
In what world do you belong
When all the stupid little things
Break you completely down?
When the simplest, most mundane trials
Bring you, shattered, to your knees,
What is there left to save?
How broken must I be
When even stupid little things,
Bring me to the point of tears?

Keep it Closed

Everyone has a door,
A door they don't want to open,
Standing, dark, in their past.
Keep it closed,
Keep it closed.
It looms with fierce pride,
Glaring down upon us, enraged.
We made the decision.
Keep it closed,
Keep it closed.
Do not open that door.
You really, really don't want to.
Do not knock, do not peek in.
Keep it closed,
Keep it closed.
Protect yourself from it,
From what lurks behind that door.
Do not unlock that door.
Keep it closed,
Keep it closed.
Don't listen to its whispers,
Do not let the pain control you.
It belongs in the past.
Keep it closed,
Keep it closed.
Just keep it closed.

Awhile

Hey there.
It's been awhile.
I thought I'd say hello.
I suppose I just couldn't
Stand the silence
Any longer.
We used to talk so much.
Hey there.
Haven't heard your voice
In awhile.
Hey there,
How have you been?
It's been awhile.
I'm okay;
You're okay;
You and I and everyone else
Are okay.
But it's been awhile,
And I'm okay,
But I miss you.
'Cause it's been awhile.
Hey there, you.
I thought I'd say hello.
It's been awhile
Since last we spoke.
Hey there,
I thought I'd say hello,
'Cause it's been awhile.

We Want

There are so many things
That we want.

We want to be loved,
To be respected,
To be known,
To be accepted.
We want to be strong,
To be brave,
To be free,
Not slaves.

But we are slaves.
Slaves to the world we made,
Slaves to half-broken promises,
And we'll never be free,
Because, to our wants,
We are simply slaves.

We want to be seen,
To be adored,
To be heard,
Not ignored.
We want to be happy,
To be joyous and glad,
To be ever-smiling,
But still, we are sad.

There are so many things
That we want.

Sealed Away

Sweet joy,
Enduring hope,
Angry wrath,
Laughter,
Ever-true faith,
Deep trust,

All the feelings
Which I feel
Are sealed away,
Yes, sealed, in the words of a poem.

It

"Don't run from it," they say
"You can't just flee forever."
I want to run from it, hide it away,
But it is fierce, it is clever,
And it's coming after me.
They want me to challenge it,
To set that monster free,
But I run, so I don't get bit.
It is mighty, it is strong,
And I can't take it down.
We could fight it all day long
And never bring it to the ground.
It's coming fast through the night,
To hunt and catch my soul.
It opens massive jaws to bite,
And its eyes burn orange like coal.
On misshapen black wings it flies,
Circling overhead.
It spreads its words of hate and lies
Until we all are dead.
With razor keen teeth and claws,
It prowls stealthily through the dark.
I stare it down, yield to its laws,
And it bites out my heart.

A Mother's Tears

The most valuable of diamonds
Cannot compare to the beauty
And the strength
Of a mother's tears.
These are tears that build a world,
Or two, or three, or five, or more.
These are tears that fall
Alongside blood and sweat
To give it all for someone else,
Someone who doesn't understand
The pain and agony she took
For their sake.
A mother's tears tell stories
Of the creation of a life
And the heartbreak of a love
That will always burn.
A mother's tears show fear,
And strength, and sacrifice.
These are tears that can build a world;
These are tears that can break a heart;
These are tears that can heal any wound;
These are a mother's tears.

Dragons in the Sky

There are dragons in the sky tonight,
Ripping into each other with steel teeth.
Their thundering roars shake the clouds;
Their fury shakes the earth below.
The dragons in the sky don't care
If they rain down destruction upon us.
They fight with iron claws of death,
Tooth and claw and scale and breath.
Their blood of stones falls to the ground,
Pounding out their song.
There are dragons in the sky.
Their wings stir the air to foam,
Bringing wintry chills;
Their tongues of fire scorch the clouds,
And their fury shakes the earth.
There are dragons in the sky,
Voicing thunderous rage;
They rip each other with steel fangs,
For there are dragons in the sky tonight.

Between the Lines

Read between the lines of life;
Find loopholes in the cords.
Dance in all the empty space
In between the lines.
Read between the lines of me;
Look past the outer shell.
Find the tender, broken soul
Between the iron lines.
Step between the lines of lies;
Don't get tangled up inside.
Look for the hidden truth
And read between the lines.
Look between the lines of truth
To find the world's true secrets;
Take the leap of faith and jump
In between the lines.

Precious

You are precious.
Worth more than gold,
More than silver,
More than platinum.
You are a diamond,
Forged by pressure,
By heat, and by precise cuts.
And you are so precious.
You are too valuable for money,
Or for gemstones in rings,
Too valuable for numbers
To even compare.
So precious, you are worth
Blood, sweat, tears,
And so much more.
You are a diamond,
And you are precious.

My Brother's Tears

My brother's tears fall,
Diamonds on his skin,
Carrying emotions
Revealed from deep within.
My brother's tears shine,
Reflective in the dark.
I see my brother's tears,
And they break my heart.
My brother's tears glisten,
And they dance down his face,
They choke my throat;
They fill up space.
My brother's tears show
What lies underneath.
They're the only sign
That inside, he bleeds.
My brother's tears know
The secrets of his heart.
My brother's tears fall,
Like diamonds in the dark.

The Curb

From my perch on the curb,
I sit, I watch, I observe.
I see all that happens,
And I wait for this to end.
I fight the constant pull
Of the lies and all the bull,
I try not to feel like trash,
But inside, I'm being smashed.
From the curb I have a great view;
It's your fault I'm here, but I don't blame you.
You left me on the curb,
Where I watch, I see, I observe.
I know you're slipping from my grasp--
This isn't the first time, or the last--
I leave, but I always return.
I get put back in my place on the curb.
I can watch, listen, and see.
If you looked, you'd see me bleed.
I see I'm losing you,
Because I have a great view
From this spot on the curb,
Where I watch, listen, observe.
I've been here too many times,
But to leave I would need to climb,
And my limbs are weak;
The future seems bleak.
I have not the strength required
To leave the curb--I'm tired,
And even I can barely take
All of this heartbreak.
So I shall stay on the curb.
I shall watch; I shall observe.
And I will still protect you,
Because danger is in my view,
Though you put me here,
There is no blame, do not fear.
I will not hate you.
I will not blame you.
I will watch, I will observe,
From my place on the curb.

Lonely Road

He walks a lonely road,
A lonely road that he chose,
A path trodden not by friends;
He walks a road bathed in silence,
A road without laughter or love,
A path of loneliness;
He walks a road of sorrow,
A lonely road of agony,
A path of tears and blood;
He walks a road of pain,
A road without voice,
A lonely path of quiet;
He walks a road of whispers.

Would You

If you saw me crying,
Would you honestly feel remorse?
If you saw the damage you've done,
Would you step off your high horse?

If you saw me breaking,
Would you stop to pick up pieces?
If you saw me singing,
Would you hear what my soul says?

If you saw me falling apart,
Would you hold me through the night?
If you saw me alone in the dark,
Would you share with me your light?

If you saw me on my knees,
Would you wipe away my tears?
If you saw me hiding away
Would you quiet all my fears?

If you saw me all alone,
Would you stand right by my side?
If you saw me crying,
Would you really apologize?

All This Time

I miss the chime of your voice,
Despite the pain your tongue caused.
I miss the creases in your hands,
The hands I long to hold.
I miss your laughter
At the dumbest things.
After all this time,
I'm still missing you.

I miss the way we used to talk
For hours, just the two of us,
In the dead of the night.
I miss the good times,
Being children, acting silly.
I miss staying up all night.
After all this time,
The pain is gone, but memories remain.

What happened?
My question is still unanswered.
Where did you go, why did you leave?
"Parting is such sweet sorrow."
They say separation breeds affection,
Which must be somewhat true
For after all this time,
I think I still love you.

Answer Me

Airwaves, won't you carry for me
A message, to be taken far and near,
And then carry back the words
Of those who'd answer me?

I know it's time to give up,
Time to stop wasting breath,
Time to stop wasting time,
For they won't answer me.

Lungs, you need to stop,
Stop wasting breath, hush,
Voice, don't speak. There's no point;
They won't answer me.

Fingerprints

Shattered, broken, scattered:
Pieces of a soul, being collected.
One by one, gently, you find them.
You bring them back and set them in my lap,
Watching eagerly as I put them back together.
But I do not wipe off your fingerprints.

Little marks of labor, of love,
Testimony to your heroic self,
You run far to find the pieces,
The pieces to repair a soul.
You wait patiently as I put them back together,
And I don't wipe off your fingerprints.

Tender stains of memories,
Of days gone by, of stories told;
Kisses from your flesh,
Given without a second thought.
You watch happily as I put them back together,
Yet I won't wipe off your fingerprints.

Painted Red

(This poem was requested for a story being written by a friend)

Painted red:
The grass, the trees, the sky,
Should all be painted red.
Red is the ink of the blood of us all;
Green is the parchment of life,
And it is painted red.
The blood of my veins,
Of my father, my mother,
Spilled forth, painting red,
But not from my flesh.
The ink was hers, not mine.
The ink of man and woman
Pools deeply, on the ground,
And I have lost a sister,
So the world is painted red.

Beautiful

She is so beautiful,
But she can't see it for herself.
Her mirror distorts the reflection,
And her camera is never quite clean.

She cannot look deep into her own eyes;
She cannot see the precious soul within.
She cannot feel the tenderness of her touch;
She can't understand it and never will begin.
She cannot see why she's worth it to all;
She cannot be wrapped in her own warm love.
She cannot say to herself "I'm beautiful;"
She cannot believe she's enough.

She is so beautiful,
But she can't see it for herself.
Her mirror distorts the reflection,
And her camera is never quite clean.

Invisible

Young children seem to think
That it would be cool
To be invisible.
But no.
Being invisible is not cool
Is not fun
Is not something to joke about.
To be invisible is to live a tragedy.

I Am Alone

I look around,
Seeing all these faces,
All these names,
And I am alone.
Completely, utterly alone.
I see these people,
Rushing through their lives,
Passing me by,
So I am alone.
I am left alone.
I look at this screen,
Scan the numbers,
Read the names,
But in silence, I am alone.
Even connected, still alone.
I cry out to someone, anyone,
A scream, piercing shout,
A whisper, echoing silence.
There is no answer; I am alone.
Completely, and utterly, alone.

I'm Alive, I Exist

Just take a moment.
Turn around.
Acknowledge that I'm alive.
Notice that I exist.
Just a second.
That's all I ask.
Long enough to see I'm alive.
Time enough to realize I exist.
My heart is beating,
My lungs barely breathing,
But I'm alive,
And I exist.
There's a person here.
A person with a heart and soul.
A person who's alive.
A person who exists.
A person with feelings.
A person who is me.
Because I'm alive.
And because I exist.
If I were invisible or silent,
Without my face or my voice,
I wouldn't be alive.
I wouldn't exist.
But I'm right here,
And I'm crying desperately
For someone to see I'm alive,
And for someone to realize I exist.

At The Top

It's lonely at the top;
We've heard a million times.
How many of us know it's true
That at the top stand very few?
It's quiet at the top;
Some would call it peace.
But while others see them as blessed,
Those at the top feel loneliness.
At the top stand the greats,
The heroes, the legends,
And those who soar above,
All of which need someone to love.

Deep Breath

Take a deep breath.
Stay calm; count the seconds.
Breathe, my friend.
Breathe deeply before you scream.
Breathe deeply before you sing.
Take a deep breath.
Steady now; stay in control.
Breathe, my friend.
Breathe deeply before you fight.
Breathe deeply before you play.
Take a deep breath.
Strong lungs; hold the air.
Breathe, my friend.
Breathe deeply before you work.
Breathe deeply before you create.
Take a deep breath.
Stay calm; count the seconds.
Breathe, my friend.
Take a deep breath.

At Disney

(Written on the train in Disneyland, CA)

Tired feet, yawning voices,
Softer tones, and stranger choices,
Tender gestures, sweet cool air,
Aching bodies, and messy hair:
All of these are simple things
That the place called Disney brings.
Empty wallets, sweaty shoes,
Interesting smells and social cues,
True colors that decide to show,
And children's faces that you know:
All of these are simple things
That the place called Disney brings.
Friendly smiles, glorious lights,
Scorching days and soft cool nights,
Calming rides, violent thrills,
Spins and loops and giant hills:
All of these are simple things
That the place called Disney brings.

The Listener (The Story, Part II)

(Only to be read after reading The Story.)

He holds out his hand, and gently,
He takes away her pen.
He wraps her up; he holds her tight,
Until she breathes again.

He wipes away her fallen tears;
He tells her she's all right.
He takes her by the shaking hand
And leads her to the light.

She breathes him in: his strength, his life
And leans on him for comfort.
He reminds her that life is long
And pain is comparatively short.

He's listened to her story.
He knows her fragile age.
He saw the breaking girl.
He dabbed tear stains off the page.

The Story

She writes a lovely story,
Especially for her age,
But her tale is true and tragic,
And there are tear stains on the page.

Her rhythm and rhyme are excellent;
Her word choice is supreme;
Her voice is held by grammar,
But she just wants to scream.

She spins a compelling web
Of plot-twists and despair.
Inside, she's broken, furious, sad,
And she's tearing out her hair.

She writes a lovely story,
Especially for her age,
But her tale, while true, is tragic,
And there are ink streaks on the page.

She uses words with poise and grace:
Words which never fail,
But she's breaking down in front of me
As she tells her tale.

She bears it long; she never speaks
Until it grows too late.
She's bending now, bound to break
Underneath its weight.

She tells a horrid story,
But there's one small surprise:
Despite the pain she's feeling
There's spirit in her eyes.

Blocked Out

The storm is loud;
The wrath of the sky is here,
But I have its furious screams
Blocked out by music in my ears.
The earth shakes;
The clouds flash and glow,
But I have the pulsing anger
Blocked out by rock and roll.
The growls of thunder are strong;
The roars of guitars are louder,
But I still fight to keep the sky
Blocked out by my headphones.

The world is loud.
My music is louder.
The storm is rough.
My beats are rougher.
The storm of life--
My music keeps me alive
Because I have the thunder
Blocked out.

Want to Believe

I want to believe
That you're just clueless.
I want it to be true.
I'd rather you be stupid than cruel.
I hope you're merely oblivious
To the damage you've caused
And that you can't really see it.
I want to believe
That you're immature,
Silly, teasing,
Rather than face the possibility
That you mean so much harm.
I want to believe
That you're not aware
Of the fact
That I am here, bleeding out.

Chain Reaction

Like steps in a list,
Instructions on a page,
One thing after another,
First this, then that.
An event triggers an incident
Which in turn triggers an occasion
Which creates another event
To start the process over.
A chain reaction
To kill us all.
A cause, its effects.
Effects which become causes
In and of themselves.
A chain reaction
To wipe us out.
Events of old
Twisting those of today
And of tomorrows.
A chain reaction
To break us down.

Territory

This is my Territory, my place, my land.
This is my Territory, familiar to my feet.
This is my Territory, where I've worked with my hands.
This is my Territory, and I know the land underneath.

But now I'm being dragged away,
Against my will, against my strength,
And nobody knows what to say,
So there's silence, distance, length.

The Beast Inside

I am not afraid
Of the thing under the bed.
I am not afraid
Of the shadow in the hall.
I am not afraid
Of the creature in the closet.
I am only afraid
Of the beast inside.
I am not afraid
Of the ghost in the mirror.
I am not afraid
Of the figure in the window.
I am not afraid
Of the phantom in the corner.
I am only afraid
Of the beast inside.
I am not afraid
Of the fangs in the night.
I am not afraid
Of the monsters in the lake.
I am not afraid
Of the serpents in the pit.
I am only afraid
Of the beast inside.
I am not afraid
Of the voices in dead silence.
I am not afraid
Of the eyes in the dark.
I am not afraid
Of the demons in the shadows.
I am only afraid
Of the beast inside.

Quiet House

Quiet house, closed doors,
Empty beds, clean floors;
Sweet silence--is it worth it,
When the house is quiet?

No footsteps, no distressed cries,
No little ones to let in flies;
Sweet peace--are you worth it,
When this house is quiet?

Imagined voices keep me up,
A thousand days is not enough;
Sweet calm--is it worth it,
When my house is quiet?

Watching the passing years,
The tender hearts and loud tears;
Sweet hush--is it worth it?
Time goes on, the house is quiet.

Do Not Apologize

Do not apologize for being sad;
It's okay, I understand.
Sadness is normal,
It's human.

Do not apologize for being human.
I'm a human, too,
And I have a heart,
Which is happy.

Do not apologize for being happy
Even if others are not.
Being happy is good,
Though the world is scary.

Do not apologize for being afraid.
Fear keeps us alive.
We need it as a shield,
So we survive getting broken.

Do not apologize for being broken;
It's okay, I understand.
It's normal and how we grow.
It's human.

Do not apologize for being human.
I'm a human, too,
And I have a heart.
So do not apologize to me.
It's okay. I understand.
You're human.

And so am I.

Exist

You exist because of love.
You exist because you are the stars
You are the sun, you are the moon.
You exist because the universe sees you.
The universe loves you,
Because it is in you as you are in it.
You exist because the eons passed by,
And time turned on, slowly, carefully,
Crafting a work of art that resulted in you.
You exist because you are a thread
In the tapestry of eternity,
A piece of art worth a million souls,
Impossible to weave without you.
You exist because the trees, the rocks, and the flowers
Sang together, a harmony
To split oceans and move mountains,
Only to create you.
The universe laughs when you laugh,
And it cries when you break,
And it does all it can to put you back together.
It fills the cracks with gold and love,
A spider's web of change turned glory,
And it admires you all the more.
You exist because the universe loves you;
And because I, another thread,
Need you for my pattern,
Like so many others
Whose lives you help weave,
Hold together, and shape.
And we love you all the more for it.
You exist because of love.
And love exists because of you.

The Man in the Moon

The Man in the Moon is angry tonight.
He watches all we do, all we say,
Bathing us in harsh, soft white.
He knows how cruel we are,
He knows how unkind.
He knows what we did tonight,
And he frowns, glaring with light.
The Man in the Moon thinks we're broken,
And I think he's probably right.
The atrocities we commit are stupid,
And we perform only to prove our might.
The Man in the Moon watches us,
Seeing our wars, how we fight.
With weapons and with words,
We send out serpents to bite.
The Man in the Moon is angry tonight.
He watches all we do, all we say,
Bathing us in harsh, soft white.

Old Fires

When the smoke trails end,
And the coals don't glow;
When the heat's long gone,
And ash is all that remains;
Old fires can be rekindled
To burn brightly once again.

When the scent has left the air
And the wood has been burned black;
Add but a little paper and heat;
Though ash is all that remains,
Old fires can be rekindled
To burn brightly once again.

Whether fire of passion,
Of love, of hate,
Or the fire of rage,
Of envy, of loyalty;
When ash is all that remains,
Old fires can be rekindled
To burn brightly once again.

Kid

Look in the mirror, kid.
You're sixteen, not five.
How can you be so stupid
When you're old enough to drive?
Listen to yourself, kid.
You're sixteen, not two.
Yet you're throwing a tantrum,
And I'm losing respect for you.
Look at yourself, kid.
You're sixteen, not four.
You're struggling so hard,
Yet you're claiming that you're bored.
Hear your own words, kid.
You're sixteen, not one.
Your brain needs to grow up
Because your body's almost done.
Look in the mirror, kid.
You're sixteen, not three.
How could you be so clueless?
Act your age or get away from me.

Homecoming

My fingers grasp
At what they knew so long ago,
Familiar, groping, remembering,
Touching the curves, edges,
Corners, patterns of times long past.
My weary body hits the sheets,
My scent long fled, like a breath,
But it returns with glee,
Dancing around my body,
Licking at my face and hands,
Eager to welcome me.
It sits deep in the nest I left,
Twisted blankets, stacked pillows,
Infested by the crumbs of snacks,
Stolen in the night long ago.
My room remembers me.
It welcomes me home;
It has waited so patiently for me.
Sweet nostalgia.
The closet door creeps open,
Just as it did when I was young.
Now, the fear is gone,
But I push it closed from habit.
The sound of the highway
Through the canyon
Seems loud, and I wonder
How I ever slept with such thunder.
But it is familiar, soothing, gentle.
The imprint of my body
Left the mattress long ago,
But now it returns, grudgingly,
But welcoming.
Welcoming me back to my nest
That I left too long ago.

Blanket of Darkness

Sweet, gentle,
Blanket of darkness
Cover me.
With tender touch
Hold me close,
Safe from what I can't see.

Human Existence

The human existence:
Painfully short,
Agonizingly long.
Consciousness a fleeting memory,
Existing but a moment,
Fading in a lifetime.
The human existence:
Bloody violence,
Tender compassion.
Breath merely a second,
A life an hour,
Time claiming all.

While

Hold me while I bleed out,
Sing to me as I fade away.
Love me while I fight my doubts,
Catch me as I tumble down.

Hold me while I bleed out,
Clutch me as I'm slipping.
Kiss me while I'm crying,
Hold me as I'm dying.

What is a Best Friend?

Best Friends are the ones
Who encourage you to let loose
And make you sober up later.
They're the ones who
Make you happiest,
Make you saddest,
Make you angriest.
Best Friends are the ones
Who give you a reality check.
And still support your dreams.
You trust them with your life
But not with your food.
When you fall,
They catch you
Or help you up,
But only after they're done laughing.
Best Friends are the ones
Who can hurt you the most
But who love you the strongest.
They can piss you off--
They can cool you down--
Faster than anyone else.
They make you go places,
Try things, meet people, and do stuff
That you don't like or don't want.
Best Friends are as close as blood.
They're the ones you can rely on
At the same time they rely on you.
Best Friends sometimes slip up,
But at the end of the day,
All they really do is love you with all their heart.
That is a Best Friend.

One of Those People

I am "one of those people,"
The ones who need to be reminded,
Every day, how much you love them.
The ones who panic over everything,
And need to be reassured constantly
And kindly.
I am "one of those people,"
The ones who say things they regret
When they are angry or sad.
The ones who crave acceptance
And closeness, but get hurt easily.
I am "one of those people,"
Who's loyal to a fault
But lashes out when hurt.
One who suffers from anxiety
And just wants to be happy
And wanted and loved.
I am "one of those people."

Faded Memories

Seconds tick,
Minutes march on,
Hours pass,
Days slide by,
Months and years slip away,
Far behind, taking fading memories
With them in the slipstream of time.