Change and growth are painful,
Especially when one's been content in misery for longer than can be remembered.
And I did it.
Well, I tried.
To be more present,
An active participant in my own life,
Instead of watching it pass me by.
I'm happier,
And yet,
It's still hard.
It's hard to grow and change,
To escape stagnation.
It takes time,
And love,
And support,
But I can't get that from you.
It's as if, somehow,
It's wrong to live my life,
Because it takes time away from what we have -
Or, at least, from what we used to have.
It's as if, somehow,
Despite my bleeding heart,
I've betrayed you,
By daring to catch my breath.
I've reached out,
I've explained, apologized,
Done everything shy of begging for forgiveness,
And yet,
I pour my soul into a void
That seems to give nothing back,
I'm yearning for a connection that used to be;
I'm yearning for the support offered before I dragged myself into the light.
I'm sorry, my friend.
I didn't know that saving myself
Would come at the cost of you.
