Unsent Letter No. 10

You're afraid of being uncomfortable,

And you don't dare make others feel so.

You don't dare use your voice;

You're afraid of taking up space,

Afraid of confrontation,

Afraid of discomfort.

What do you feel

In the choking silence

That follows an unresolved conflict?

What do you think

In the moments of tension

That wound up with no release?

People snap, it's true,

But in the fear of snapping

You leave yourself and others wound tight.

Do you know that a string can be unraveled?

Do you know that a spring can be eased out?

I don't think so.

I don't think you ever learned,

Because you were too busy manufacturing 

The safety of cold silence.

I hope you figure that out,

I hope you learn to use your voice,

Lest you drift away and be forgotten.

Best regards.

Saving Myself

It's hard.

Change and growth are painful,

Especially when one's been content in misery for longer than can be remembered.

And I did it.

Well, I tried.

To be more present,

An active participant in my own life,

Instead of watching it pass me by.

I'm happier,

And yet,

It's still hard.

It's hard to grow and change,

To escape stagnation.

It takes time,

And love,

And support,

But I can't get that from you.

It's as if, somehow,

It's wrong to live my life,

Because it takes time away from what we have -

Or, at least, from what we used to have.

It's as if, somehow,

Despite my bleeding heart,

I've betrayed you,

By daring to catch my breath.

I've reached out,

I've explained, apologized,

Done everything shy of begging for forgiveness,

And yet,

I pour my soul into a void

That seems to give nothing back,

I'm yearning for a connection that used to be;

I'm yearning for the support offered before I dragged myself into the light.

I'm sorry, my friend.

I didn't know that saving myself

Would come at the cost of you.

Mountain Loneliness

 A brisk breeze whispers past,
Carrying the pungent perfume of pine.
It toys with a stray strand of hair,
And draws anxieties from my mind.

Dusk-lights dance on the rippling waves,
Oranges, blues, greens, and yellows.
In the distance, a birdsong warbles
As the evening starts to mellow.

The peace washes over me,
And settles like morning dew,
But as ever, it stays out of reach,
For I am here without you.

A rustle in the brush nearby
Catches my attention.
Tribe of turkeys, lone groundhog,
Or just my mind's invention?

I coax my thoughts back
To still, soft mountain air.
I breathe it in, breathe it out,
In a silent ritual prayer.

Lazy leaves on tranquil trees
Sing soothing songs of slumber,
But I fear I won't find rest tonight,
For I am without my lover.

Losing Me

I know you can't bear losing me,
And it's hard to let you go,
But I think it's time to set us free
With these words that you should know.

I feel I'll always love you
Deep within my bones.
I'm grateful for all we got to do,
And all the love you've shown.

In loving you, I lost myself;
I gave in to you completely.
Sometimes one must save oneself,
And I hope we can part sweetly.

I'll always hold you in my heart,
And look upon you fondly.
I hate that it is time to part,
But I need out of this quandary.

Thank you for everything we've done,
For every moment that we've made.
Thank you for all the elation,
And all the love you gave.

 

This, Too, Shall Pass

It is not a crime

To protect your peace.

It is not illegal

To stand up for yourself.

It’s never too late

To say, “This is enough.”

To draw that line,

And to enforce that boundary.

It is not unkind

To defend your sanity.

It is not cruel

To cut out the rot.

It is not wrong

To point out the pain,

To bring down the hammer,

And to make it all end.

It is not weak

To need some support.

It is not crazy

To be hurt by abuse.

It is not your fault

That it took so long,

That it got so damn big,

Or that it happened at all.

It is not a sin

To look out for your health.

It is not a flaw

To be tired and worn-down.

It is going to be okay.

This, too, is forgiven.

This, too, is right.

This, too, shall pass.