Not Tonight

I'm not going to hurt myself
Even though I fucking want to.
I'm not going to cut myself
Into a thousand useless pieces.

Not tonight.
No, not tonight.

I'm not going to kill myself
Because I know what that would do.
I know that you would blame yourself
After all that shit you said.

I could really hurt myself
More than anyone else is able.
But I'll put the knife back on its shelf
And stow the gun beneath the bed.

Not tonight.
No, not tonight.

I whisper the mantra to myself
So I don't do something fatal.
I'm not going to kill myself,
Even when the pain increases.

Not tonight.
No, not tonight.

I'm not sure how to stop myself,
And yet, I somehow always do.
You're worried about my mental health?
I promise, so am I.

I'm not going to kill myself,
Even though I sometimes want to.
I don't want to hurt anyone else,
And that means I can't die.

Not tonight.
No, not tonight.

I'm not going to hurt myself
Even though I fucking want to.
I'm not going to cut myself
Into a thousand useless pieces.