void

Every once in a while,

I get this irrepressible urge

To destroy everything I have created.

I fight off the desire

To rip myself apart in spectacular fashion

And wound everyone with the misfortune to know me.

I find myself staring in the mirror,

Utterly terrified of what I see

Just behind my emerald eyes.

I want to rip myself apart,

But I'm afraid of what I'll find inside,

And unwilling to release it.

I fight off l'appel du vide,

But I know it's still there,

Somewhere,

Whispering to me when I'm alone.

I look into that blackest abyss

And feel it gaze back into me.

Something Inside

Something inside me is grieving,
And I know not for what it mourns -
A longing for something beyond my reach,
Beyond my knowledge, beyond the breach.

Something inside me is broken,
And I can't find the piece.
Somewhere beneath the surface,
Shattered and amorphous.

Something inside me is furious,
Full of claws and gnashing teeth,
Tearing at the walls of its cage,
And consuming me with its rage.

Something inside me is turbulent,
Whirling out of control.
It's threatening to rip me apart
And drown me, alone, in the dark.

Something inside me is grieving,
And I know not for what it mourns.
It's bottled up, kept safely inside,
That thing that can't be described.

Feral

Sometimes I feel

As if I am going feral -

Drooling, snarling, whimpering -

And making sounds no civilized person

Ought to make.

Trapped in a prison

And enslaved

By a hundred million years of evolution,

We are bound to one purpose.

I am feral.

Call me wicked, filthy, degenerate;

Call me nothing but what I am,

And nothing but what I do.

Words escape me,

Slipping from my mind 

Like silt between my fingers 

And smoke on the breeze:

Inarticulate. Feral.

I am trapped,

By a hundred million years of instinct

And a primal sense of need.

They trap my mind

In a cage of ecstasy.

I question myself,

Asking if I am the master

Or if I am enslaved,

But I'm not sure that it matters.

I am feral.

You can smell it on my skin,

See it in my eyes,

Taste it on my lips,

Hear it in my breath,

And feel it through my heart.

Gasping for air,

For the words that escape me,

I am helpless - powerless -

In the face of a hundred million years

Of ferocity.

Does it matter if you know what I am?

I am not sure that it changes anything,

So long as you know 

I am feral.