Stirring Storms

She was rain on the rooftops

On a cool summer night.

She was wind in the needles

Of the high mountain pines.

She was snow in December,

Freshly fallen and white.

She was fog on the highway

Obscuring the lines.

She was one of the waves,

Crashing against the shore.

She was frost on the windows

Of every warm home.

She was the surging current,

Across the ocean floor.

She was the gathering clouds,

So high and so alone.

She was the lightning,

A flash, and then again.

She was the thunder,

Rumbling overhead.

She?

She was the storm,

Raging, stirring, hurting as she cried.

And I?

I was the sky,

Who held her until the pain died.

She is a force of nature,

My beginning and my end.

She is a hurricane,

And I'll love her 'til I'm dead.

Sleeping

I wasn't sleeping.

I was tired as soon as the sun went down,

And I was cuddled up in bed by ten.

But I wasn't sleeping.

Sure, I was in bed:

My eyes were closed, my body shut down

And for the most part, I'd seem zen.

But I wasn't sleeping.

I was restless. 

My body wanted to wake up,

With my mind racing in the dark.

I wasn't sleeping.

No matter how long

It never seemed to feel like enough

And I stirred with the first calls of larks.

I wasn't sleeping.

I dreaded the morning

Even though I was anxious for it to come,

And my body wanted to stir in the night.

I wasn't sleeping.

But last night I slept!

My bed was so peaceful and warm;

I wasn't disturbed by the morning light.

I welcomed it.

Going Nowhere

I wake up in the morning

And I sit down at my desk.

I attend my Zoom class,

And I study for my test.

Sometimes I want to leave

But I have nowhere to go.

I'm lacking motivation,

And I feel stuck in this hole.

I'd love to write a novel

And make a million bucks,

Or maybe I'd go viral - 

But I don't have that kind of luck. 

I know I need a hobby

Something meaningful to pass the time.

But I am not marketable

And things I make aren't worth a dime.

I have two jobs - one remote,

And the other keeps shutting down.

I dread waking up in the morning,

Because if I think, I know I'll drown.

I have all this angst

As I watch the time go by.

I wait for something to happen,

And think about when I'll die.

My life's a mess -

Like I don't belong,

I'm an awkward chord

In a too-loud song.

I'm planning for a future

That threatens not to come

And choking on the overflow

Of everyone acting dumb.

I'd like to say I'm like everyone else,

Just waiting for my big break.

But I know it won't ever come,

And I just want to feel okay.

Always, I've been a homebody

Okay to interact online.

But now that it's no longer a choice

I feel like I am dying.

I miss seeing people,

I miss having chats.

I miss going places,

I miss my boyfriend's cat.

I don't want to take care of myself -

I'm struggling just to breathe.

I thought that school would help me escape,

But all I want is to leave.

Maybe I should just choose to run away

And go live alone in the woods.

But I don't have any seed money,

And I don't really think that I could.

Why am I telling you all of this?

I'm not really sure why.

Maybe it just needs to come out

And I'd rather write poems than cry.

Adrift

I do not like

The way I feel right now.

Adrift,

Lost,

A ship at sea

With no harbor to call home,

And no lighthouse to guide me.

I am confused,

And so afraid right now.

A bird,

Lost,

No sun in sight

To point me to my warm nest

Where it is safe for hiding.

I'm insecure;

Uneasy, unsteady -

Balanced,

Lost,

On narrow paths

With no clear indication

Of which way is the right one.

Current

 I cannot control the current,

Only the way that I swim.

I am not subject to fate;

Nor to destiny's whim.

I'm not like a jellyfish,

Forced to drift idly by;

Nor am I the anemone,

Stuck in this spot 'til I die.

I sometimes challenge the current

And grasp for a bit of control.

I try to be kind to my own self

As I face all of life's vitriol.

I fear I am not a sailboat,

Victim to eddies and gales.

I am free to choose my path

Amongst all the dolphins and whales.

I cannot control the current,

Only the way that I swim.

I know my strength to challenge the sea

Is strength that comes from within.

The Way I Miss You

I've never quite missed anyone

The way that I miss you.

I thought myself a lonely one,

But life's more fun with two.

I've never longed for anyone

The way that I now ache,

But long nights are the lonely ones;

I fear I'm gonna break.

I've never longed for anyone

The way I do tonight.

Is your eve's rest a lonely one

Without me cuddled tight?

I've never quite missed anyone

The way that I miss you.

But that's okay -- I'll see you soon,

I know that much is true.

Binding Spell

With this thread,

Our fates I bind:

Mine to yours,

And yours to mine.

Ancient Gods,

Please guide us true:

You to me,

And me to you.

Summers end

And seasons pass;

May our love

For ever last.

If this bond

Need be released,

Spells shall break;

We go in peace.

Calm Energy

Of all the creatures

On this green Earth,

My favorite ones

Have calm energy. 

They are curious,

Exploring the world

Through touch and smell,

Belly to the ground.

They do not cry,

Or screech, or whine.

Usually, they are silent,

Full of calm energy.

They are misunderstood,

Hated, feared, and killed

By people who don't know better,

But they are gentle.

They act only in defense,

And even that is rare,

For they would rather run away,

Finding safe places to hide. 

Their lives move slower than ours,

And maybe that's why

I find them so soothing,

Their energy so calm.

My anxieties melt away

With their slow breathing,

And my heart melts

When they flick their tongues.

I'll always love snakes,

And their smooth, soft scales. 

I'll always find peace

In their calm energy.

Rough Day

Every day is a rough day,

And I'm not really sure why.

I don't understand what's happening;

Sometimes I break down and cry.

It feels like the world is ending. 

I'm trying so hard to hold on,

But it seems my grip keeps slipping,

And before I know it, I'm gone.

I wish I could have a sense of control,

Or even a moment of peace,

While everything spirals around me,

And I keep smiling through my teeth.

Please, don't tell me that I'm losing you,

Because I can't bear to let you go.

You're my calm in the storm, my happy place--

The only safety I know.

I'm alone here in the darkness,

And I wish you were by my side.

I know you can't take the pain away,

But you can hold me while I cry.

Sky's Sunrise

The world was ringed by a halo of roses,

Soft oranges and pinks and reds,

And I looked down on the great wide plateau

Painted in tans and browns and rusts.

Where land met sky and sky became land

Remained a mystery, bathed in lavender,

For here there are no jagged lines

Of rock and snow and mountain peaks

To separate earth from atmosphere.

I do not belong here, I remind myself,

I miss winter's stinging embrace.

But here I sit, and I find myself

Wishing that I could stay.

Pools of molten sunlight shine,

Reflecting morning's glow,

But if they're lakes or merely clouds,

I have no way to know. 

The mountains call; they beckon me,

As if welcoming me home.

Yet I feel lost, up in this sky,

Where something feels so wrong.

The world was ringed by a halo of gold,

Wrought by Sol's great hands.

It followed as I travelled west,

Freezing me in time.

If I could stay, just one more moment,

I'd fly back in a breath,

But time ran, and home called,

And such it is that I sit here

As your plateau drops away.