Hurting

I am hurting;

Unseen, deep down,

There's a pain that I cannot name.

I'm feeling lost,

Begging to be found,

Full of this pain that I can't explain.

I am confused,

Overwhelmed and drowned

In a pain that leaves me drained.

I'm crying out,

Hoping that somewhere, somehow,

Someone will hear me.

I'm reaching out

Hoping that anywhere, anyhow,

Anyone will grab me. 

But I know the truth

There is nowhere, nohow,

No one to save me.

Feels

She feels

Intensely,

Passionately,

Violently;

Her emotions

Are uncontrollable.

She doesn't know

How to express them

In anything other than

Explosions and outbursts.

She fights herself,

To control

The intensity,

The passion,

The violence.

She feels

Everything,

As if she were on fire.

And the only way to contain it,

Is to wall the flame off

With ice.

And so she seems cold,

Detached,

Uncaring,

Harsh;

Yet she is only trying

To maintain control

When she feels everything.

And the only way

To control feeling everything

Is to act as if you feel nothing.

And so,

She holds a cold exterior

Until she can't,

And she burns up.

Can't Help Falling in Love but it's a Breakup Anthem

Wise men say,

"Only fools rush in,"

And I did that

Falling in love with you.

I can't stay;

It would be a sin

If I kept on

Falling in love with you.

We were plagued by woes;

You were hurting me.

Darling, so it goes:

Some things aren't meant to be.

But rest assured,

For my heart speaks true

I don't regret

Falling in love with you.

A Way Out

I offered you a way out.
I showed you a path to get away
From the toxicity, the anger, the hate
That plague your daily life.

You were on a plane,
Falling through the sky
Soon to hit the ground.
It's out of control,
You're terrified,
So I opened the door,
Gave you a parachute,
But you refused to jump.

You were on a ship,
Sinking through the water,
Soon to be drowning.
Nothing can save it,
You're terrified,
So I took you to the deck,
Gave you a life raft,
But you refused to swim.

I keep offering a way out,
A path to flee from the pain,
From the people you claim to hate,
And the life you want to change.

And you say no.
You refuse my aid,
And lament your situation.
I'm tired. I'm tired of offering,
I'm tired of trying to save you.
I'm tired of watching you fall.
I'm tired of watching you drown.
I'm tired of feeling powerless.

I love you. I want the best for you.
And I can't keep watching you fall apart.
I want what's best for me, too,
Because I can't let myself fall apart.

You were growing.
I was so proud
Of the person you were becoming.
But that changed.
You regressed,
And I'm disappointed in what you are.
When I ask you to look in the mirror
You need to face yourself.
You need to see what you are,
What you're doing to me.

I never wanted to lose you.
But I gave you a way out,
You chose not to take it,
And now we're both paying
In blood and tears,
For your decision.
You didn't get out,
And now the fear is changing you.
I love you, more than anything,
But I'm afraid of what you're becoming.

The Smell of Rain

The sweetest scent in the world
Is the smell of rain
On a dusty road,
After a hot, dry week,
When the leaves were just starting to wilt.

The scorching wind dies out,
And the plants
Open their leaves
In anticipation
Of the life-giving raindrops' arrival.

The rain comes to cleanse the earth
Wiping away
Weeks' worth
Of buildup
To leave the ground fresh once more.

When the leaves are starting to wilt
After a hot, dry week,
And the road is coated in dust,
Then the smell of rain
Becomes the sweetest scent in the world.

Unsent Letter No. 6

You say you love me.
You say you'll always be there.
But you're not. You're not here.
You're not answering me,
You're not giving me any sign
That everything is okay.

And I'm worried,
Because I don't know where you are.
Because I don't know what you're up to.
Which means I'm not sure I can trust you;
I can't stand this silence.
I can't stand not knowing.

I miss your voice.
I miss how you make me laugh.
And I'm trying to hold on.
It's hard to not feel abandoned.
It's hard to have faith anymore.

And I'm scared,
That you're never coming back,
That you don't love me anymore.
It seems like you don't support me
Because you're angry when I'm working.
Because you're not there when I need you.

I want to talk to you.
I want to be best friends again.
But life is pulling us apart,
And it seems like you aren't holding on,
And it seems like we're not going to make it.

So I'm afraid
To find out where you really are,
To find out what's wrong.
I don't want to lose you;
I'm trying to keep you close,
I'm trying to make the time.

Please reach out.
Please tell me it's okay.
Let me have some of your time.
Keep me close and safe,
Keep away the fear.

Best regards.

A Friend Like You

Everyone would be lucky
To have a friend like you.
There aren't enough people in the world
Who bring smiles like you do.
And those who find it as easy to forgive
Are far between and few.

Some should be seen as lucky
For they have a friend like you.
There have been so many times
I've known you will come through.
Problems roll off your back,
And you're deeply calm, it's true;

So I consider myself lucky
That I have a friend like you.

Bullet In My Skull

Sometimes I wonder
If I'd be better off
With a bullet
In my skull.

I feel so hopeless,
As if I am trapped
In a prison
For my soul.

I can't do things right;
I've lost my strength,
My mind's edge
Totally dull.

I am directionless,
With nowhere to go,
And maybe you'd better off
With a bullet
In my skull.

She is Safe

He is at peace
When she is safe.
Ideally, she'd be with him,
In his warm embrace.

He wants her by his side,
In his arms through the night,
For he fights off the darkness
To protect his dear love's light.

Even when he cannot rest,
He wants to know she's there.
And nothing soothes his aching heart,
Like the sweet scent of her hair.

When he's restless, agitated,
And unable to sleep,
He pulls her tight and feels her breath;
Safe by his side, he'll keep.

A Piece of Nothingness

A waste of space,
In an empty head.
A blank page,
In a blank schedule.
A lifeless stare,
From broken eyes.
A twisted tongue,
For telling lies.

Why am I here?
A simple thought,
A question,
An answer,
Or, perhaps,
None of the above.
But here I am,
Undeserving of love.

A burden.
A weight on others,
Little but a freeloader,
Nothing but a parasite;
A pest, a bother.
A crash in the night,
A whisper,
A shadow in the light.

Do I belong here?
Or should I
Move on,
To the next place?
So much potential
Wasted by me.
Someone please
Set my soul free.

Can You See Her?

Can you see the other person inside me?
She's small and fragile and buried deep,
But she's visible sometimes,
In the flash of my eyes.
She's beautiful, full of light and hope,
But that makes her vulnerable,
And so she's hidden inside.
There's another girl, you see.
And if you listen, you'll hear a peep,
But only sometimes;
There will be happy cries.
I have to protect her, if I'm to cope
Because she's so vulnerable,
And I would crumble if she died.

Old Houses, Old Ghosts

Old houses tend to be
Where we find
The old ghosts.
The ones who are tired,
Who wish to be forgotten,
And left by the wayside
To drift away from memories.
The whispers of the past
Float through the air
As phantoms amidst the cobwebs.
The old houses, with their old ghosts,
Are little more than history,
Their families long gone
With no record of their names,
Leaving a place with no identity,
Except that of an old house
Filled with its old ghosts.

Distant

It feels like we're growing distant,
And not just in the regular way.
I've always felt so close to you,
But now I fear you won't stay.
I wonder if there's someone else
Who's taking your heart away;
I trust you more than anything,
But I miss you through the day.
I feel as if I'm losing you,
And I don't know what to say.

Beautiful (2)

Oh, I wish I were beautiful;
The sort of girl who turns heads,
Holding attention as she
Enters a
Room.

Guys don't notice me;
I'm just a shadow,
Really not worth the attention,
Lacking what they
Seek.

Anyone can tell you,
Reaffirm
Everything I claim.

But you may not believe
Even though it's true,
And that's your fault,
Undoubtedly.
There's not a desirable trait in me;
I'm hardly adequate as I am,
For I'm not the one who's wanted,
Ultimately, I am not the one who's
Loved.
,
Brave folks say otherwise;
Under fake smiles,
They lie.

I am not beautiful.

What I say to you is true;
I have no reason to
Lie about this, to
Lie to you.

No one ever wanted me,
Even though some claimed they do;
Very carefully lying,
Even though I see straight through.
Real beauty is not mine.

But I'm okay with that,
Existing just as me
.

Growing (2)

I think that you are growing,
And I know that's good for you.
It's painful, and disruptive, and hard,
But I know it's what we must do.

You're learning some lessons
About you, about me, about love,
And I'm proud of you for learning them;
They'll help you rise above.

We both needed this,
This opportunity to grow,
And we'll both be better for it;
That much is true, I know.

It feels like the end of the world,
But I promise you, it's not.
I'm not yet ready to let you go,
Because you're the best I've got.

To You (1)

I guess this is sort of a letter
Written directly to you,
But I'm writing it as a poem
Because I didn't know what else to do.

God, I love you,
More than I believed I could,
And now what's happening hurts me
More than anything should.

It hasn't even been a day,
And already I want you back.
I suppose that's a good sign;
I'm addicted to you like crack.

I wish I could call you.
I wish I could hear your voice.
But I said I'd give it a week,
And I should stand by my choice.

Peace

The most peaceful moments
Are the ones where my pulse is in my skin
And I can feel my heart beating in my chest.
I feel in tune with myself,
With this body that I call home,
And I find peace in its rhythms.
I meditate, I suppose,
On how it feels to be alive,
While feeling the whispers of air
Moving in, out, and through me;
Breath of life filling my body.
I think of the warmth of my skin,
A stark contrast to the coolness of the air,
And a reminder of what I am.
Of course, my heart keeps beating on;
It taps out a thrumming song,
Starting in my chest and echoing in my skin,
Singing through my arteries
And harmonizing in my veins.
Its tune brings me peace,
For I know it is a part of me.
And as long as that beat goes on,
I will know that I'm alive.

Heartless

I'm a heartless bitch,
A burden on society.
I'm a piece of shit,
Oh baby, can't you see?

Don't lie to me sweetheart,
I already know what I am.
Don't hurt yourself sweetheart,
You know who I am.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone,
No matter how cruel.
I hate the person I've become,
And within my mind I duel.

Don't tell me I'm good, baby.
I already know what I've done.
Don't tell me it'll be okay, baby.
You know what I've done.

I'm a heartless, selfish being,
Full of dark desires.
I deserve my beating,
My death in hottest fires.

In My Nest

I'm curled up,
Warm and comfortable
In a nest of my own making.
The window's open;
I left it so,
To listen to the rain.

Now that little window crack
Lets through the songs of birds.
And so I sit here, snuggled up
Listening to their chirps.

I'm warm right here,
So warm and safe,
But I never get too hot.
For with the singing of the birds
Comes the pleasant wind of spring.

I could fall right back to sleep
And doze through this day of rest.
But instead, I'll greet the sun;
Tonight, I'll crawl in my nest.

Too Kind to Me

Well hey there.
You know you're too kind to me, right?
I don't need you to stay up all night,
Listening to my problems
And trying to help the best way you know how.
You don't deserve that.
You don't deserve my heartache.
You have enough problems of your own to deal with,
So don't worry about little old me.

You're too patient when you talk to me.
I don't deserve your gentle words,
Or your listening ear.
You're too kind to me, and I don't deserve that.
I don't deserve that effort.
There are other people out there who are worth your time,
So don't worry about me; you know I'm hopeless,
And you're just too damn kind.

Haphazard

Wow.
I'm just a mess, aren't I?
A terribly twisted tangle of thoughts,
Thrown together without care,
Barely able to function.
So why am I still here?

I am like a child's bed,
Blankets piled everywhere,
With no regard for the way
That everything should be ordered;
Tossed together by one who feels
They shouldn't've even bothered.

I have more issues than Time magazine,
Without enough time to work them out.
And what's the point of even trying,
When nothing seems to bring about
Any sort of change, progress,
So why am I still here?

I'm screaming inside, I think.
I'm crying out for help, I think.
I don't know what to do, I think,
And I have nowhere to go
Except inside my own head.
And that's the last place I want to be.

Pretty Little Bird

I am nothing but a pretty little bird
Living in a pretty gilded cage.
I think my wings have been clipped;
Even if the door were open,
I don't think I could fly away.

I do not peep, won't say a word
For I fear my captor's rage.
And know my heart'd be ripped
To watch his spirit broken
If I were to fly away.

I feel as if my thoughts are blurred,
Filled songs of a wise old sage.
Yet here I know I'll always sit,
Waiting, watching, hoping
For a chance to fly away.

I am nothing but a pretty little bird
Perched in my pretty gilded cage
On a high, high shelf
In a closed off room,
And I'm not even allowed to sing.

[Redacted]

I want to [redacted] kill myself
And end all the [redacted] I do.
I want to make the agony stop,
But I know I can't hurt you.

I never wanted happiness,
Just a [redacted] chance
To let myself be fully free,
To learn to sing and dance.

You know I couldn't do it;
I'm just a [redacted] coward.
So here I sit, full of rage,
Never letting down my guard.

[Redacted] this [redacted] world,
So full of pain and fear.
I can't escape my awful mind,
So [redacted] you for keeping me here.

Unsent Letter No. 5

How dare you blame me
That you didn't get this spot.
I know you wanted it,
Probably more than I did,
But how dare you call it my fault.

Was it my fault you overburdened yourself?
Was it my fault you pushed way too hard?
Was it my fault that you didn't listen
When I said you need to take some time off?
Was it my fault you burned out?
Was it my fault you bombed a test?

I love you, I do,
But sometimes I'm angry
That it's "my fault" you didn't make it.
I know you feel
Like I didn't try as hard.
Like I didn't put in the effort.
Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.
But what does it matter?

I told you to care for yourself.
I warned you that you'd hit a wall.
And somehow,
This is all my fault.
All my fault for being right.

Best regards.