I am from a family that tore itself apart,
From loud arguments, divorce, and court battles.
I am from B-B-B-H-I--
Be nice,
Be smart,
Be safe,
Have fun,
I love you
--Every day when I left for school.
I am from “I hope you know how amazing you are,”
A frequent reassurance, but never when I need it.
I am from gray skies,
From watching rainstorms in the night.
I am from sarcastic comments and rude humor,
From purple and blue and green and silver,
And I am from loneliness, anxiety, and fear.
I am from poems written in the dead of night
And long hours working, working,
Until the paychecks and report cards come.
I am from four brothers, no sisters,
From messy holidays and reunions,
And dysfunctional grandparents on both sides.
I am from sadness and sorrow and suicide,
From high test scores and low self-esteem.
I am from contradictions, from unspoken conflict,
From hiding emotions to protect myself.
I am from violent games and movies,
But from sensitive hearts and gentle souls.
I am from tough love and tender care,
From hardship in life and simplicity in school.
I am from fights to meet expectations,
From breaking down after failure.
I am from learning everything,
Everything except how to be human.
From arrogance and pride,
From self-loathing and hate,
And I am from intelligence and compassion.
I am from every emotion imaginable,
Yet feeling nothing at all,
From self control and iron will,
But impulsivity and aggression.
I am from hostility and kindness.
I am from performing in school,
From slacking off at home;
I am from long distance friendships,
From isolation nearby;
I am from fighting for attention,
From rejecting affection;
I am from stressing about deadlines,
From procrastinating everything;
I am from everything and anything,
From something and nothing;
I am from spite and hate and anger,
From kindness and love and forgiveness.
I am from everything, I am from nothing.
